IFcomp 2016: 16 Ways to Kill a Vampire at McDonalds

“16 Ways to Kill a Vampire at McDonalds”: exactly what it says on the tin. We’re a vampire slayer taking a break at the local McDonalds restaurant, and we’ve run into a vampire the way Jessica Fletcher keeps running into murder victims. So, what do I think?

Here’s a game that made me laugh out loud. “16 Ways to Kill a Vampire at McDonalds” does indeed offer up 16 ways to deal with a vampire at McDonalds. Not kill, exactly, since some of these methods actually only drive the vampire away, but they can be used in combination with each other, so the accounting gets a little muddled.

What does it for me, though, is our protagonist’s attitude. She’s a professional vampire bait: her friends Maggie and Luke are the ones who usually do the vampire-killing, while our protagonist, Lucy, lures the vampire into position. But she’s alone right now, hitting McDonalds for a bit of a treat, and here’s a vampire spoiling her fun by stalking the absolutely adorable (cough newbie cough) cashier. Naturally, the game is open-ended: we have 16 ways to handle the vampire, after all. Gotta try ’em all.

The situation–undead lord of the night at a thoroughly banal fast food joint–is quirky enough as it is. Then we get Lucy’s observations on everything. The introduction sets things up pretty well by allowing us to pursue a few other options aside from going to McDonalds (although ultimately we’ll have to go there anyway) such as doing our nails. (Thankfully, we’re allowed the skip the intro. Clicking through it 16 times as we pursue all 16 ways of killing a vampire at McDonalds could get tedious.) Lucy’s take on things actually reminds me a little of Jenni Polodna’s IFcomp reviews, which are a laugh a minute and I cannot wait to see her take on Lucy.

One very interesting thing, though, is the sequence in which Lucy lures the vampire out of the restaurant into (possibly?) an ambush. Here, each key element of the vampire’s seduction is observed and picked apart. It’s almost a textbook explanation of what a pick-up artist might do and why he does it, broadcast to the world as a warning to prey everywhere. Or maybe a lesson for the next time you want to pick someone up at a McDonalds, in which case you better hope she hasn’t played the same game. Or that she doesn’t have a stake hidden up her sleeve. But seriously, thanks for the PSA. I feel now like this game is one of those fluff pieces with a gem of wisdom hidden in it.

There’s some pretty extensive research behind this, too.

Breakfast? An Egg McMuffin. C’mon, you knew it had to be something of the sort. A mix-and-match Egg McMuffin because some people don’t like eggs and some people want a veggie patty in place of the sausage and … okay, it’s a breakfast sandwich and you can put just about anything you like in it. It’s a lot healthier than people give it credit for, and we also have sparkling orange juice to wash it down.

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